Have you ever wondered if you have had a great relationship out there on the time-space continuum with someone you’ve been in love with, yet failed to make the connection this lifetime? Relationships – finding the love of our life, a loving partner, is not easy, especially with so many variable factors barraging us daily. It’s a wonder we can ever make it beyond that ninety day limit.
A wonderful client of mine asked me this exact question last week as she said goodbye to a partner whom she had a great connection. Why do we have to let go when so many factors line up?
My contention is 75% of any relationship works; 25% doesn’t. It’s the 25% that is the most critical; these are the pieces that shatter and break us apart. Can you live with this 25%? Are they things you will learn and grow from and eventually smooth out? Or are they issues that will never be resolved? Those are the big questions, ones you have to be willing to examine and assess.
In this lifetime, our girl is five years older than her young man. She is solid in her career which is expanding in many exciting directions. She is confident, well traveled, well read, and involved in many self disciplinary practices; Tai Chi, yoga, meditation. She is a very self-evolved and focused young woman. Her young man in comparison, is still finding himself, discerning which direction to firmly plant his roots, studying different practices and deciding where he will anchor his creativity and service. They connected in their love of music, dance, and creative time. Their emotional and physical connection was highly charged. The disconnect occurred in the mental worlds; their external expressions, the career path and passions are on different trajectories. From a male perspective this is extremely important; to be a self made man. Providing space for the male to follow his dreams allows the relationship to be on a higher frequency of exchange – when the timing is right.
He is also a bit more conservative, she more compulsive and wild, not reckless, just more carefree in her motivations and thoughts. They each brought something solid to the other, learning from similarities and opposite positions.
Their relationship reminded me of the Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves movie, The Lake House. The two young lovers were two years apart in time, able to connect through the magical connection of shared experience living in this special house on the lake. Their time lines were completely out of sync. In the movie, they were able to finally connect-the-dots and have time melt into one another; in this time frame, my young woman doesn’t have the luxury of bridging five years between them.
We examined several lifetimes together to see if there were influences still contributing to their relationship in this life and also, was there really an experience where they shared a lifetime of love.
The first lifetime appeared (side note; we’ve examined other aspects of their relationship on the time lines, however these are the ones pertinent to the present situation) at the end of the twentieth century, the Victorian era in full swing. He was from an upper crust family in France, she from a more profitable merchant family; newly minted money in terms of social standing. Raised without the huge constraints of social strata, our fair young maiden was more carefree and outspoken. (Sound familiar?) The young man coming from a well established hierarchy of discipline and social expectation knew what tight bonds he had to work within, what was expected. He broke off the engagement out of fear she would not fit within the confines of requirement. He became more stiff and rigid in his mores and behavior (as he followed not his heart but his fears) and she explored the beliefs of suffragettes and the rights of women as she recouped her losses, moving on with her life.
Their life-long connection was on a small Pacific island growing up together . The lifestyle mantra was extremely uncomplicated; live largely, sleep deeply, swim much, fish daily, weave often, build occasionally – remembering to sing, drum, laugh, share stories, be in gratitude, and most importantly be in-sync with nature. A very uncluttered and sweet existence. Our two love birds chose this lifetime to relax, replenish and nurture and nourish their own souls and each other. It was a good lifetime together. Monotonous perhaps, boring possibly, yet elegant in its simplicity.
Move ahead to 2011. Again they come together to share moments, memories, events, laughter and skin. Both enriched the other’s life, supporting their efforts, endeavors and thoughts. They mirrored the best within as well as the insecurities which arose through their similarities and differences.
We swim through various connections and soul contracts our ‘higher soul/self” set up for growth, netting our challenges, needs and fears, pulling them to the surface. These fears are exposed, revealed. Full disclosure of the deeply held fears allows true change to occur. It is in the recognition of patterns we have the ability to stop repeating the behavior. For her, the fears visible were the deeply held belief if someone left her, it was because she wasn’t perfect enough, when in truth the relationship held a new contract providing a different ending. She learned he needed to grow, learn, and expand who he is as a man before allowing a deeply held committed relationship to fully develop. It was about him, not her. He loved her enough to show her this as a new possibility. All she has had to do is accept the gift, even when saying goodbye. She learned she Is perfect enough, beautiful in who she is. He learned someone could and would love him for who he is and where he is, even when not fully empowered in his career path. (Hearken back to Victorian Europe when he was so fully entrenched in society, behavior and expected career; you were loved because of your pedigree.)
The stage becomes set with our new found confidence; the fears now in full-spectrum-lighting fade away, the worries more easily dealt with when uncovered, revealed. Steps towards change become simplified when aired. The relationships in our lives teach us these emotional complexities; we are stronger, more vibrant and whole because of the love and yes the loss. Knowing somewhere, some time you were in love, stayed in love and gained from the experience, is helpful in allowing the love to stay complete even in the goodbye.
The more you view every relationship as a learning and loving relate-I-on-ship, (I relate/communicate on the ship of emotions) no matter what the outcome, the faster forgiveness arrives and a healing unfolds. And this magically creates the new and next spark of love waiting to be revealed.
Cosmic sunshine to you.