At one point in our lives or another, villains arise. Maybe that’s too broad a term or too over-arching, however individuals arrive into particular chapters of our life story who create drama, challenge, pain, terror, heart-ache, sadness, loss, grief, disappointment, you name it. The list can obviously go on. But once the offending role is understood, it’ll be easier to applaud their expert miscreant behavior, incredible role-playing, bad-acting and forgive their idiosyncratic performance.
If we compared our life story to a Shakespearean play, a villain or villains are characters whose evil actions are vitally important to the plot. Art mirrors life. Villains are essential ingredients for producing richly textured, colorful and emotionally enhancing lifetimes. We are stronger for them. In other words, the brilliance of their character is the illuminating subplot of our short lifetime. The difficulty arises primarily because we are too close to the storyline, reading our tale word for word. It’s only when we put the book down and analyze, meditate and observe the bigger allegorical gist, do the characters make sense.
I have an example from my own life, perhaps too close to my heart, however I will share. I have two sons. One now is 26, the other 23. Their father, whom I married for all the right reasons but have subsequently divorced, has always been overly hard on my elder son, criticizing him, never giving him the final approval, the push-me-here, the-pull-me-back there. It’s definitely the Zeus complex if you were to study Greek mythology archetypes. Honestly I’ve been so close to it at times I have become angry, sad, mad at myself for not choosing more wisely, and very protective of my son. However, with a new lens, a new viewpoint, which I just shared with my son, a healthier subplot emerges.
1. His dad ~ our villain in the subplot ~ set this up with him before they entered this life together, to push him, no matter what, into following his dreams and not follow in his footsteps.
2. My son’s task or challenge is to stand up for himself, neglecting his need for approval to do what is best for him, not his dad’s.
3. He became a physical trainer to be strong enough to handle the critical barrage coming from the dad, so that every hurdle, every barbed fence, every negative rope he has to climb to reach the pinnacle, he now has the physical, mental and emotional strength to achieve.
4. He now has the courage to expand his creative credentials because he’s had an adversary to push him by using the theory of opposition as motivation.
Through another lens, he will be healthier, happier, stronger and even more creative for following his heart, his dream and knowing he made it happen based on his inner drive, his perseverance, not his dad’s vision of his path.
Taking a look at the villains in your life, from the wretched mother, scum-ball ex-spouse, spastic self-absorbed boss, narcissistic lover, greedy sibling, mettlesome neighbor, abusive father, thieving business partner, dreary in-laws, brain-dead children, etc etc, from an observer’s perspective, changes the plot line. It’s offers the advantage of shining the spot light on everything you’ve gained and built, let go and forgiven, resolved and actualized. It also pinpoints areas of neglect where you’ve fallen into the trap of repetition and become like them. It gives you the adeptness and ingenuity to change Your autobiography, all because you chose to rewrite their role in your nonfiction, your version of reality.
I invite you to look at every one of these characters in your life-fable from the major players to the one-liners and recognize their amazing well-played performance to enhance your novella. You’ll soon discover there will be several acclaimed academy-award-best-bad-character honors to bestow. I can hear the applause.
Cosmic sunshine to you.
Wow! Change your perspective, change your life. This was a truly inspirational post! 🙂
Thank you much, I so appreciate feedback. Nice to know it’s being read and is thought provoking. You’re awesome!! Thx for hanging in here with me.
was forwarded to a 30yr old male with issues,and daddy issues,
he was very happy to here what the message had to say,
said it explained a lot
Thx Steve, makes my heart feel glad to know it’s made a difference. I appreciate you sharing! 🙂
Hi Candia, Your are in my thoughts often and hope your husband is well. What a journey! This post was very timely for me. I was pretty much getting to this place in regards to my relationship with my husband which is not good. But like you said, this relationship has taught me so much and brought me to a place I might not have got to as quickly. I probably would have got here but this has been a master class crash course! I do see the gifts here. My question is……I don’t want to play this game anymore with him. Will I be leaving some karmic loose ends to leave while he is so broken? I know it is not my responsibility to fix anyone. He has some healing to do but it has become unbearable to around him and I can’t live this way anymore. Have you had other clients with this experience? Maybe it would be a good follow up to this topic that I am sure resonates with so many people. You somehow have a gift for posting things that are so timely for what is going on with me…I guess you see the big picture which is a reflection of what is going on with all of us individually. LOT OF LOVE! Jennifer Doheny Peter 414-524-9198 http://www.urbanbirddesigns.com
Thanks for taking the time to write, I really appreciate it. I know things of been challenging in your world, that’s really difficult. It’s not fun either especially when you have a child in the middle. First of all, no worries on the karma piece. You’ve always taken care of other people’s needs even now. The most important thing is for what is right for you and that darling baby. My sense too, is if you were to pack your bags and move out for a period of time, it would startle him to a place where he knows he’s going to have to change. Being a dad ironically has been the best thing for him. He just needs a wake up call to stop the bad behavior. Losing you is not what he wants. He just doesn’t know how to change his behavior. He needs tools, he needs a good teacher. Life can do that for you. That perhaps a men’s group.
So don’t worry about the karma, just do it. Follow your heart for what’s best for you and Darling Billy. Know I’m always here for you!
Sending you big love and hugs,