What do we really really want? Desire? Need? I believe these are the questions that underline the surface of our thoughts regularly as they help define who we are, what we value and what is truly most important to our happiness. It’s so easy to fill our lives with superfluous inconsequential things and even relationships – because we tend to take the path of least resistance. It’s human nature. Pushing through challenges and stepping out of complacent commitments isn’t easy because we have been programmed to do the right thing. Stay. Even if it doesn’t feed our souls. Is it truly what our hearts want, need, desire, value?
Wants: To wish for, desire for something.
Needs: A condition or situation in which something must be supplied in order for a certain condition to be maintained or a desired state to be achieved.
Desire: to wish for, long, crave.
Value: a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. The regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
Being on the other side of marriage at this juncture, this chapter on life’s gameboard has really made me aware of my clarity. I am very clear on what I want, need, desire, value. The reason is, I’ve done my homework, made it my mission to look within, see what works, what doesn’t, recognize my patterns, see the ones that need to shift so the things I desire materialize. We all have them- habits, patterns, reactive behaviors that keep us from experiencing our ideal lives. And until we do this, be optimistically specific, get clear and clean out the rubbish, guess what? The wheel continues to spin and it’s repeat, repeat, reload, repeat. Same ol’ shit different week, month, year, decade. Trust me, this is what I work with clients on, from relationships to health, yes health, because people don’t change their bad habits, to careers. We’re human remember. Change, though the most constant universal denominator, is the most difficult. It’s too damn scary. It amazes the hell out of me, it truly does, what people are willing to put up with to keep the safe, status quo.
Why things don’t work in our lives is clarity. Seriously! How clear are we exactly – are our life relationships awesome, great, good, mediocre, so-so, not-so-good, bad-news? Are we crystal clear right down to the finite detail of what we want, need, desire, value in our lives? (Remember “relationships” are inclusive of above subjects because health as an example is a relationship with ourselves, careers are how we express our mental relationships.) I’ll give you an example. Gawd I can offer hundreds however….In my twenties I had a very long laundry list written down of the kind of man I desired to be my mirror. I did pretty well on most levels however I wasn’t specific enough in others. Specifics are critical. I married a very successful man, smart, athletic, good looking (great sperm donor!) obviously hard working, talented, incredibly social and extroverted. All great. However where I didn’t dial it was in love languages, how we interacted and what was/is most important for my personal emotional quotients. My fault or responsibility, not his. He can’t give what he doesn’t have to give. Simple. So we parted ways after eighteen years.
Next go round I was more specific but alas not enough. I dialed the love language perfectly, we were so on the same page, we were attached at the hip. That part of our twelve year relationship was amazingly happy. However, I missed the mood swing category, the heavy suppressed anger department, unwillingness to forgive and let-go and the subsequent health issues that ensued and the ultimately early death. (Through another lens I knew psychically it would be a short relationship as I’d seen him die when we were dating.)
Current timeframe. What have I learned from great experience? What do I want to change? Add, subtract, shift? *Obviously at the top is “value.” I desire a mirror to reflect “value” back. Self value-self care, value of our emotions/relationship with each other first, value of love languages (1. Time, 2. Intimacy/touch, 3. Words of affirmation, 4. Acts of service, 5. Gifts) (your list can be in whatever works for your heart). Value my standard of ethics, life principles. *Healthy! Active, full of energy. Willing to do the work to be! *Athletic and slim. *Is totally fun, and fun-loving. *Communication on every difficult issue and every emotional experience. *Willingness to change and improve ~Willingness to look within at behaviors, bad habits and change them to be foremost a better human being and better partner. *Willingness to forgive and forget. *Be fully engaged in each other avoiding complacency. *Be respectful, honest, kind and clear. *Desire to learn, expand, literally explore to death and beyond. *Sexually -to be on the same morality page, valuing deeper intimacy and having it be about the unity of “each other.” (Sorry guys it’s not all about you!! If so, other men are available for those encounters and then sadly we’d go extinct -ha! Nothing against my fabulous gay friends. You get it.) And not thinking every woman is a sexual target- makes for too many emotional energies in the bedroom detracting from intimacy as well as displaying incredible behavioral shallowness. *Classy and a gentleman in all areas, treats me as a lady. *Smart, intelligent, can speak to larger issues. *Handy!! *Funny, dry wit and sense of humor. *A king, not a jack or knave. A manly man, my Equal. *Willing to challenge, support and push me to be my best even if it’s uncomfortable. *Can handle adversity gracefully within and outside the relationship. *Emotionally strong deep, calm. *Asks deeper questions of himself, each other and the world at large! (This is huge for me as that is what drives me- I need that mirror.) etc etc etc etc.
See, by being very specific, very clear, and trust me the list is much longer, I am manifesting the best, most incredible experience. It’s baffling that most and I mean Most!! do not have a clear idea of what they want, need, desire, value. I hear all the time, “I just want to be happy.” So what does happiness mean? How does that look to you, how does it feel, taste, touch, smell? Get down and dirty and be specific. Otherwise you’re going to get the same ol’ repeat, repeat, reload, repeat.
Then hold that energy in your heart with love and clarity. What doesn’t work will fall away. The connections and relationships that vibrate at that level of open confidence will move into your frequencies and energy fields. But it’s up to each of us to decipher what is valuable to and for us. That’s not the other person’s job, or the people you work with or your body’s. It’s yours to do. So start that list in every area of your life and see what magically appears.
1. Relationships: it’s always about us, not the partner. If we are clear about our wants, needs, desires, values, the partner either steps up or away. It’s that simple.
2. Career: Focus on what we love not what we don’t like. Learn everything about what we love and have passion doing and it will materialize. Belief in ourselves is key.
3. Health: Focus on what we desire to be. Do everything positive to create that awesome health from changing self deprecating habits to eating foods that nourish your body to hiring a trainer.
Here’s to a fab list of essentials.
Cosmic sunshine to you. ☀️
Candia Sanders is an International Medical Intuitive, High Frequency Healer, Author and Speaker -an Eternal Optimist- who has helped countless thousands of people ease their medical issues, navigate important relationships and find their soul’s purpose and life direction. Candia is also the author of the transcendent new book, “Soul Rays: Discover the Vibratory Frequency of Your Soul“.