I know, I know, you are never supposed to use the words “always” or “never,” however sometimes they are both completely appropriate and accurate. I recently did a radio show where listeners called in with their questions. The hostess asked the listeners to come up with very deep, insightful questions as the topic had been on “multiple realms.” Ninetynine percent called in with questions about their relationships, their significant other, and/or if someone wonderful was coming into their life. Typical. The reason is, we all love love. Going “deep,” finding our soul’s purpose, isn’t at the top of the priority list. Once love is dialed, well then – maybe.
I know many single people who would give anything to have someone wonderful in their lives, from individuals in their 20s to people in their 80s. “Love still reigns triumphant.” Learning about today’s dating world is definitely not for the faint of heart either. Trust me on that coming out of marriage. It’s a crazy frenzy. So even getting “Out there” to connect with like-minded people to maybe, possibly contemplate a relationship feels scary. But after knowing what love offers, it is so worth the effort. Again, who doesn’t love being in love? The question is why do we always – there’s that word again – struggle with and in relationships and have to begin – again.
“when love becomes a reason
we fly with kings tonight
and come down
with an empire of our own.”
(Empire of Our Own, RAIGN)
Well for starters, there is the difference between men and women, how we think, act and more importantly, believe. Even as I write this though, we can’t lump all women under one umbrella, nor men under one category. We are the same and yet not. But even so, we do think radically different on how we see and do relationships with each other. Men would like women to be more like men, and women would like men to be more like women. (Thus the reason why we love gay men- they think like us!) It’s a great concept – a little more testosterone here, a lot more estrogen there, and our thinking would become more homogenized, similar and shared. Perhaps there would be fewer wars, richer intimacy, better communication, more action, more receptivity, more relationships, fewer marriages. Hmmmm. It’s quite the thought.
However, I’m a believer we were created as men and women for wonderful reasons, our strong differences as powerful mirrors for each other. The male/female, yin/yang generates mystery and magic that only our differences can magnify and enhance, our masculine and feminine minds creating better working solutions to common challenges and larger issues. Herein lies magnificent synergistic balance and harmony between the “principles” because we see the world through uniquely colored lenses. It also ignites the chemistry between individuals. (This is also true within the various sexual worlds as no matter what, there still reigns the male female dynamic. It just “Is.”) We are also here to dive into the energies of each dynamic at a human level, to better comprehend these larger universal polar, give/take principles as they are everywhere throughout the cosmos.
Would I truly want my partner to be more feminine? Cry more, dissect every emotional hurdle to finite detail, take an hour getting ready, watch romantic comedies? Well, watching romantic comedies would be great….but the rest? Probably not. I love the masculine principle, the strength, the charm, the charisma of what it means to be male, to create, construct, build, negotiate, seduce. I love it.
And on the flip, would a strong male really want his feminine counterpart to never dress up, curse insatiably, constantly troll for the next possible dessert (there sure would be a lot of people in the bedroom) talk guy-buddy-raunch…well maybe? See, therein could be difference. Maybe that Is really what men want? (Wink wink) Just adding levity. I do know strong loving masculine, well-dressed men that love women being all female, gorgeous mysterious creatures whose timeless alchemy enhance their lives.
The world is large. Love is bigger.
Bigger truths on why relationships are challenged are multi-layered:
1. At an earthly level, “pure loving communication”especially since we are in different countries, different camps of thought, is a giant hurdle. Communication and listening are the two most vitally important links to greater long-term loving, intimate and sustaining relationships. Most break down at this level. The reason is fear. Fear of reprisal, rejection, of learning answers they don’t want to hear, vs listening to gain wisdom and understanding and deeper knowing.
2. To find someone of equal or greater value to match us, we have to step up our game. We have to be more of who we are. Why? Because then we like us better. And then and only then will a greater connection happen.
3. Empathy and understanding on both sides of the playing field go a long way. Life has many roads. Giving the other a hand to hold instead of a cold shoulder goes the long distance.
4. Give the other the freedom to be themselves. And if that mirror doesn’t reflect you, it’s okay to find the one who does.
5. Complacency- the biggest death trap. People as soon as they’re single, lose the weight they didn’t care about, get involved, ask questions, stay interested in someone new. Where were these attributes in the relationship that just dissolved?
6. Action and receptivity. Give and take. In time these can become skewed. One gives more, one receives more. It’s learning balance on both sides of the coin and respect for the other of giving and receiving. Make it a daily mantra.
7. We are here to learn both sides of the universal coin – masculine and feminine. We choose both sexes throughout time to learn the dynamics of the other frequency. It’s in this knowing, we have the greatest opportunities for deeper understanding and cosmic unity, knowing we too have literally walked a mile in each other’s shoes. So try them -once again- on and see if a wonderful change ensues.
So whether you’re in a long-term or new relationship, choose today as the perfect day to step it up, clearly communicate and make it your best connection, relationship yet. It’s up to each of us to make it so. And if it doesn’t curl your toes, have the courage, strength and most importantly, honesty to move forward towards new blue skies. It’s only fair to both involved.
If you’re single and interested in a loving relationship, make that effort, first with yourself, then get out in the world. It’s the only way it’ll happen.
Here’s to relationships of every size, shape, and color. Here’s to Love in all it’s guises.
Cosmic sunshine to you.
Candia Sanders is an International Medical Intuitive, Healer, Author and Speaker -an Eternal Optimist- who has helped countless thousands of people ease their medical issues, navigate important relationships and find their soul’s purpose and life direction. Candia is also the author of the transcendent new book, “Soul Rays: Discover the Vibratory Frequency of Your Soul“.